Rowling-Murray Wedding Anniversary 19

Yesterday was the 19th wedding anniversary of Joanne Rowling and Dr Neil Murray, who were married in a private ceremony at their recently acquired Perthshire castle on Boxing Day, 2001. If you want to send off a present, fashionably late (no flowers!), the gift, both by modern and traditional reckoning, for the 19th wedding anniversary should be in bronze.

A quick three notes to mark the occasion, none worthy of being set in bronze, alas:

(1) The Rowling-Murray marriage, if her recent comments on ‘Tracks of My Years’ are any measure, seems to be in good shape. It has, at least, its good moments.

Ain’t No Sunshine by Bill Withers – on a moving marital moment and lockdown being a special time with her family

JK: Well I think of all the love songs written, this might be my favourite. It’s such a beautiful, simple sentiment, but I have an additional reason for choosing it, which is that it took lockdown for my husband to say to me… I was playing it in the kitchen while cooking something; he walked in, he said,  ‘This always makes me think of you when you’re down in London’ and that was a very moving marital moment so now it has an extra layer of meaning for me. [On lockdown]…. Well, I hope that all listeners have had the happy experience that I’ve had of it being quite a special time. We also have teenage kids and it’s been kind of wonderful to spend that extra time with them.

Contrast this comment with her comments about the REM song, ‘Everybody Hurts,’ on her November, 2000, appearance on the BBC program ‘Desert Island Discs.’ Go to 26:00 in the interview to hear that story.

(2) She Married Harry Potter? One reason the Potter-Murray match may have worked out is that Rowling says he has all the qualities of the man who lived in her head for twenty years, rent free, that is, The Boy Who Lived. From the MTV.com report on the Carnegie Hall event in 2007 (grateful hat-tip to Patricio at TheRowlingLibrary.com):

When asked by an 18-year-old 12th grader, “Which of the Potter characters would you marry?,” Rowling giggled. “The truth is, in my younger days, I dated Ron more than once,” she admitted, giving an inside look at why Hermione (the closest character to Rowling’s younger self) might be attracted to Harry’s best friend. “He’s fun to write, but not so much fun to date.” And once she had learned her lesson, Rowling said, “I married Harry Potter,” referring to her second husband, Neil Murray. “He’s up there [in the wings]. I just mortified him,” she laughed. “But he looks like Harry would look like, at a certain age. I married a very good person and a gutsy person. And that’s who Harry is.”

From the 2007 Interview with Rowling in Holland at Deathly Hallows‘ publication there (big thank you to Beatrice Groves):

When did you decide to draw a parallel with the Nazis? With Voldemort, who strives for the rule of the”pure blood”, and with Draco Malfoy as a young soldier who is just ?
Immediately I think. I’m not exactly sure. I think The Second World War in anchored in all our minds, right? Draco Malfoy does indeed stand for that type of boy. He wouldn’t have killed Dumbledore , he couldn’t. As long as things are imaginary, okay, but once it becomes reality, the thing becomes more difficult. No, that I gave him that light blonde hair is not because I wanted to make him into a scary Nazi. You give your characters the appearance that you find attractive; that is why I gave my hero dark hair, green eyes and glasses. I’m married to a man who looks like that.

(3) Whom Did He Marry?

I want to think he married Robin Ellacott, which is to say, (a) a brilliantly thoughtful woman (b) with PTSD from a previous marriage, (c) one who is working on her issues but who is loyal and supportive to those she loves (d) while knowing her vocation and insistent that she heed this calling. I was going to add “fearless,” but “brave” and “tenacious,” in Rowling’s case even “stubborn” are probably more accurate. I forgot “sense of humor”!

And who wouldn’t want to be married to Robin Ellacott? “Everyone loves Robin” is a refrain one hears not only in the Strike novels but from the author in interviews. She has her problems, of course, but she doesn’t have any real character flaws or “faults” I can think of off-hand.

Here’s the thing. From Dr Murray’s description of what it is like living with Jo Murray, I think the character he married wasn’t Hermione Granger or Robin Ellacott or even Sybil Trelawney, all character stand-ins for J. K. Rowling in their way. He married Cormoran Strike. From the 2012 New Yorker profile, ‘Mugglemarch:’

She also met Neil Murray, a friend of her sister’s. Rowling resisted being set up: “He was just out of a marriage himself—I just thought that would be complicated. I wasn’t up for that.” But they eventually found themselves seated next to each other at a charity event in Edinburgh. He was aware of the Harry Potter books but hadn’t read them. The couple have a son and a daughter together. A few years ago, a documentary crew travelling with Rowling recorded what seems to be Murray’s only public comment about his wife: “Jo detaches herself,” he said, in her hearing, with a smile. “When she’s very stressed, she’ll detach herself and only trust one person, and that’s herself. So everyone else gets blocked out and she becomes more and more stressed and less and less able to accept any help.”

That doesn’t sound like a lot of “sunshine,” does it? My guess, though, is that, aware as he was of the problem and, as casually as he shared this in her presence and in front of cameras, that his awareness — and frustration? — wasn’t news to her, they’ve worked on this. “That talking thing” that Robin does with Cormoran (or invites him to try after his blow-up in the American Bar)? My bet is that it was Dr. Murray who said that to her rather than Robin/Joanne who suggested this to him.

Either way, nineteen years in the global spotlight, two teenage children, and a working marriage — these are not small but significant achievements, ones worthy of at least a Bronze Medal. Congratulations, Dr. and Mrs. Murray!