Halloween Howler to JKR

On the one hand, I am, pun intended, tickled pink.  Recently I presented a paper at the Chestnut Hill conference on Harry Potter and Nature Deficit Disorder, arguing that the most oppressive characters and settings in Harry Potter are also the most removed from nature,  (See the Mugglenet academia podcast for a summary… my section begins about 1:13). While I didn’t address Umbridge in the talk, I added a section on her last night when writing up the paper for hopeful publication–before reading this latest edition, thankyouverymuch–describing the artifically frilly decor of Umbridge’s offices and the disconnect with the natural world (the flowers, foul porcelain kitten plates), and what that tells us about her (hint: it isn’t good).  I even remarked about that fact the she and McGonagall share the same cat patronus, but whereas Minerva embraces the actual animal to the extent of turning herself into one, we never even see Umbridge approach a real cat,  only her artificial ones.  JKR confirmed that she doesn’t like them.

Umbridge’s Offices. While we never get the chance to see Dolores Umbridge’s home, we do get a look at her offices at both Hogwarts (Order of the Phoenix, p.) and the Ministry of Magic (Deathly Hallows, p. ), and, since she chose identical décor both times, we can safely assume her office is a home away from home for her. Umbridge’s tastes do not reflect the beauty of nature; the walls are a garish pink and the furniture draped with frilly cloths and doilies. While there are plants and animals present, they are artificial; the flowers are dried and the animals are fake: pictures on “a collection of ornamental plates, each decorated with a large technicolor kitten wearing a different bow around its neck” (Order of the Phoenix, p. ) Readers may wonder how two characters as vastly different as McGonagall and Umbridge could share the same cat patronus. The answer may lie in their connection to the actual animal; McGonagall can become a cat in her Animagus form, while Umbridge never actually deigns to interact with a living cat, only the porcelain ones that Harry describes as “foul.” The two women also use their patronuses for different means: Umbridge to protect herself and McGonagall to protect her students (Carissa, n.d.).

I also thought that making her wand birch (given the birch rod’s association with sadistic punishments and her eagerness to see Fred and George flogged) was a stroke of brilliance.

On the other hand, one part just about ruined it for me.  You see, the biography also mentioned Umbridge’s birthday—  August 26th, the same as my own.  Given that Rowling does not do anything accidentally (Harry shares her birthday, and the Weasley twins have April Fools Day) I have no choice but to take this as a grievously personal insult.

So, I am composing a Howler:

JOANNE ROWLING!!!!  HOW DARE YOU MAKE DOLORES UMBRIDGE’S BIRTHDAY THE SAME AS MINE!!!   I AM ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED!!!!  MY STUDENTS ARE NOW FLEEING MY OFFICE  IN TERROR, AND IT IS ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT!!!!

Happy Halloween, Potterphiles.