TheWrap.com thought Secrets of Dumbledore was a bomb. See their ‘Fantastic Beasts: Secrets of Dumbledore’ Film Review: There’s Little Magic Left in This Sagging Franchise for the full take-down but the high points of their low estimation are that it dropped any connection with the previous film (wasn’t Grindelwald promising to stop WWII?), that the characters are just “story-telling devices” without development or transformation (what happened to Newt Scamander? Tina Goldstein? y’know, the stars of the first two films?), and Yates’ reimagining the story as an “espionage thriller” and the “chilly, desaturated cinematography by George Richmond” don’t give a movie-goer “much to grab on to” “unless you are extremely invested in wizarding elections.” Ouch.

But maybe that was just a hyper-critical journo demonstrating to the guild that he is definitely not on board with “J. K. Rowling’s shameful anti-trans rhetoric”? The key failing of the film after all, in his reporting, is that “it’s hard not to subtract even more points for [Secrets] making the Wizarding World’s only gay love affair indelibly linked with Dumbledore’s brief teenage dalliance with fascism.”

TheWrap.com tells us now in ‘Fantastic Beasts’ Franchise May Be Finished, But J.K. Rowling’s Wizarding World Is Not that the box-office was a great disappointment to Warner Brothers and that continuing with the series “may be damaging to the [Wizarding World] brand: [Read more…]

From the day of the Beasts 3 premiere to the present, there have been rumors and suggestions that Warner Brothers pack up shop at the third installment and not draw out the agony of films four and five. I was searching for Box Office numbers for Secrets today and stumbled upon the YouTube movie maven above. I confess that while watching it I didn’t know if laughter, tears, or outrage were the right response. I mean, it could be a remarkable work of satire, between the Barbie hair and eyes, the accent, and the clueless arrogance.

What is the peak of that satirical summit? I think it’s a tough call, between her belief that Rowling will stand-down from her position contra the trans-activist over reach if The Presence would just realize it was cutting into her bottom-line and her assertion that Rowling is a proponent of gay conversion therapy, news that would probably come as a surprise to the lesbian women she lunched with last week who think she is only nominally ‘straight.’ This might not be uncut idiocy but a brilliant send-up instead of just how funny wrong-think can be. I doubt it, but I want to be generous with respect to the idea of Rowling selling all rights to the Wizarding World and walking away, the key idea of this video. That may be the craziest piece of the rant.

Anyway, taking a break from the brilliant reviews here the past two days, first from Beatrice Groves and next by Elizabeth Baird-Hardy (didn’t you always want to go to the movies with Edmund Spenser experts?), here are some box office numbers for Secrets of Dumbledore. All three of the number crunchers I found at reputable sources say that it’s time for Warner Brothers to cut their losses and fold up shop: [Read more…]

The Secrets of Dumbledore, the third installment in the Fantastic Beasts film franchise and the lucky eleventh Wizarding World movie, opens today in North America with its essential success-or-fail market in the theaters of the United States. It is also Holy Friday on the Gregorian Calendar, a day of obligation in the Roman Catholic Church and which Magisterial Reformation protestants also observe. I doubt that this choice to open on Easter weekend will affect box office totals significantly; traditional Christians who consider Pascha a feast day above all others, to include Christmas, are not a significant percentage of the American population and are an invisible quantity in movie fandom. If anything, the freedom of students attending schools that still plan their Spring vacations around these holy days may boost the attendance.

I am, in addition to the most edifying and challenging church services of the year, up against several writing deadlines which preclude my taking in Secrets until after Pascha, the Sunday after Western Easter this year. The other staff members, faculty and adjunct, here at HogwartsProfessor will be leading the conversation on these pages about the new movie, sort of a Rowling product (but not really?), in the coming week, discussion in which I trust our international collection of Serious Readers will join.

For today, though, I want to turn the microphone around to this audience and ask you for your answers to the following seven questions:

(1) When and where did you see Secrets of Dumbledore?

(2) Was the theater full, empty, excited, subdued? What was the audience reaction to the film where you saw it?

(3) What was the best part of the film, the scene or sequence that is the take-away you will treasure and re-visit?

(4) What was the worst part of the film, the bit you thought, “Well, that should satisfy [x or y group] Warner Brothers felt it had to appease”?

(5) What were the best and worst performances by the ensemble of actors and actresses? Did the newcomers Exceed Expectations? Any Trolls? Was the new Grindelwald a step up or down from the bizarro Depp interpretation?

(6) What line of dialogue or story twist made you think, “Oh, that’s from Rowling; no way Steve Kloves came up with that beauty”?

(7) Assuming the five movie cycle is a ring, Secrets of Dumbledore is the story-turn or pivot that should reflect the first film and foreshadow the finale. What echoes did you hear of the New York City based Fantastic Beasts? What is the core question or drama the next two films must resolve the way Voldemort’s re-incarnation in Goblet’s Hangleton Graveyard set the storyline of Prince and Hallows?

Please don’t worry about spoilers in writing up your answers. Everyone who reads the comment thread will have already seen the movie or not give a fig (or apple) about learning the plot points in advance. Thank you in advance for sharing your thoughts — and feel free, if you’d rather write a review than answer questions, to share whatever it is you like. I confess to looking forward to this conversation and exchange of ideas more than seeing the movie…